Seek Understanding

"Seek first to understand before being understood"

This is the 5th principle of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey (see the link at the bottom under "My Favorite Books").

Have you ever been in a situation when you are butting heads with someone and they just don't listen or understand your point? If so, then the challenge I leave with you is to follow Covey's 5th principle.

People are more likely to listen to your point after you have listen to their point. This builds trust and respect. For example; let them express their point and then respond with..."So, if I understand you correctly, what you are saying is...(then repeat what they said)." If they agree that you do understand their point then you can confirm if your point is the same or continue the dialog until you truly understand their point.

Once you have an agreement then you may continue with your point. For example; "...I understand what you are saying and what I'm saying is not too different (then express your point)."

Listening, truly listening to their point, might even get you to agree to their point and help you move on to other issues. Listening is a skill that requires practice but when mastered can earn you more sales and loyal customers.

Practice on your spouse, children, family or friends. Next time your teenage child wants to borrow the car or, do something you may not agree to, don't reply with a quick "no!" Instead, ask them questions. "Why do you need the car?" Listen to their reason. "And, if you don't have the car what are your alternatives?" Keep asking questions until you completely understand. Now you can express why you have a concern over lending them the car. They may argue still over why your reason is not sound. When they do, LISTEN. Then continue to listen until you understand and you may then agree to let them have the car or they may agree to your reason not to lend them the car.

Because you respected their reasons and heard them out they are more likely to respect your reasons and agree to not take the car. Remember to listen with an open mind and not with the intent to respond with a "no".